On the Outside Looking In


“…man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7b NIV


There are two things every household (with children) needs in the summertime…a revolving door and a fly swatter. When the kids are inside they can’t wait to go out, but when they’re outside, they keep coming back in. I’ll bet the guy who named “In-N-Out Burgers” in California got the idea from little kids!

Children are specialists at seeing what’s going on inside, even when we try to keep them on the outside. Years ago when I called the home of a friend, her young child answered the phone. I actually heard my friend whisper, “tell her I’m not here”. The part about not taking my call was no big deal, but telling a child to lie? Wow. That’s huge.

On the outside, mom didn’t want to talk on the phone and thought nothing of using her child to run interference with a “little white lie”. The sad thing is her daughter was smart enough to see beyond those outside actions…and got an “inside” subtle message that it’s okay to lie if it gets you out of something you don’t want to do.

1 Chronicles 28:9 said the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive. We can’t hide from Him. And most of the time, we can’t hide from our kids. They pick up on our motives more than we realize…good or bad. If we want to be able to trust them when they are teenagers, guess what? We have to lay a foundation of honesty inside of us first…while they are young. Gone are the days of getting away with saying, “do as I say, not as I do”. That doesn’t work anymore.

Identify key character issues and discuss them with your children. Search your own heart and make sure your behavior and motives line up with the behavior you expect from your children. Remember they are always on the outside looking in!


PRAYER: God, I need you now, more than ever. Please purge the things from my heart that need to be gone. I want to lead my children down the right path…help me to get there first! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Words Mean So Much!

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 NAS


My fifth grade teacher didn’t like me, and at the ripe old age of 10, even I knew it. To this day, I remember Mrs. Chadwick talking about me and ridiculing me in front of all the other students. I would either pretend not to hear or act like it didn’t bother me. But on the inside, not only did her words hurt, they began to rip apart my self-esteem. It didn’t occur to me I should tell my parents. After all, she was an adult authority figure in my life. Who was I to question her?

Modern society has legitimized sarcasm and labeled it comedy. Many people think its okay to put someone down, call them names, or make fun of them, especially if it’s followed up with the disclaimer, “just kidding”. But it’s not okay.

The Bible teaches us words can be a blessing or a curse. Whether spoken in sarcasm or in an uncontrolled moment of anger, words like “stupid” and “clumsy” or “what’s WRONG with you?” definitely fall into the latter category. We have the responsibility as parents to protect our children. Yet without realizing it, sometimes our words are what bring our children the greatest harm.

Think about the words you use when you speak to and about your children. Do they lift, encourage and affirm them? If not, it’s time for a vocabulary change. Sit down as a family and discuss ways to de-word and re-word your home. It’s a lesson none of us are too young (or old) to learn.


PRAYER: God, forgive me for saying things to my children I didn’t mean. Please heal their wounds and help me have the self-control and wisdom I need to guard my tongue every time I speak to them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Learn When to Let Go

Shannon on her 1st birthday, 3-16-79

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”

Isaiah 43:18 NIV


It was a Sunday morning. I was crouched on my knees leaning over the bathtub shampooing Gwen’s long blonde hair while our one-year-old Shannon crawled on the floor behind me waiting for her turn in the bubbles. I’d already plugged the curling iron in so it could get hot. I thought it was safely out of reach on the bathroom cabinet…

All of a sudden, Shannon let out a blood-curdling scream that wouldn’t stop. She was less than three feet from me, but with my back turned I didn’t see her pull on the electrical cord and grab hold of the curling iron when it fell on the carpet.

Despite her hysterical screaming, Shannon didn’t let go of the curling iron. Her tiny hand clenched the hot metallic barrel and I had to literally pry it off. Her hand was severely burned. I later learned that when children (and adults) feel sudden pain, our muscles respond by tightening up. In Shannon’s case, that response caused her to hold tightly to the very thing that was hurting her.

I credit Abilene’s West Texas Rehabilitation Center and a very special physical therapist, Mary Lou Garrett, for saving the use of Shannon’s hand. Every day for weeks, Shannon went in for a sterile hand bath followed by painful debriding of the dead skin. There was nothing easy about this process…this was Shannon’s thumb-sucking hand…and that never changed. She sucked her thumb through medicine, bandages, gloves and every other creative obstacle I could think of.

Almost everyone has painful experiences…some physical and some emotional. We can hold onto bitterness, hurt, disappointment and even anger for a lifetime. It’s a natural reaction. But if we do, the hurt will continue to fester inside of us…and it won’t go away. The sooner we learn to let go of things that hurt us, the healthier we will be!

Teach your children a simple exercise in letting go. When they get upset or hurt and are “hanging on” to an offense, have them imagine that offense sitting in their hands. Is it something they like? Do they want to keep it? Does it hurt when they think about it? Then it’s time to hand that offense to God once and for all. Instead of dwelling on something that hurts them, train them to give it to God and let HIM deal with it…so their healing can begin.


PRAYER: Heavenly Father, help me teach my children to never hold on to past hurts, but to give You those painful things so Your Holy Spirit can bring healing to their minds and their hearts. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

You’ve Gotta Dig In

IMG_2625“Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.” Psalm 34:8 NIV


When Drew turned one, we set him on the floor in front of his birthday cake. Wearing only a diaper, he put first one hand and then the other into the big fat middle of the icing, squishing it in his fingers until both hands sunk to the bottom of the cake. Grabbing fists full of gooey delight, he proudly displayed his find. The more we laughed, the bigger the mess. By the time he’d finished, he was wearing more cake than he had eaten and it took a hose to clean him off. Years later, Drew still enjoys digging into his birthday cake…if you look closely, you’ll see sometimes he doesn’t even bother to blow out the candles first.

It isn’t hard to get kids to eat cake, but what about spinach or Brussels Sprouts or cottage cheese? I discovered my kids almost always ate what Grant and I ate…we put it on their plates and it never occurred to them to turn their noses up and say, “I don’t ike that” – because we didn’t. Eating a variety of vegetables and meats was “normal” for all of us.

Parents define normalcy for their children. If mom and dad pray, read their Bible and have a personal relationship with Christ, their children grow up understanding a faith that is real. Conversely, if mom and dad only serve up a “sliver” of God in their life and home, that’s typically all their children feed off of and the entire family may end up spiritually malnourished.

God wants us to be comfortable digging into Him with the same zeal we eagerly jump into other things with. He has so much to offer and waits patiently for us to come to His table…the table of Life. Remember…your kids will develop a taste for what YOU are eating. Is it time to upgrade your menu?


PRAYER: Heavenly Father, I pray for a renewed craving of presence in my life, so that spending time with You is as important to me as eating a meal or watching my favorite television show. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

 

Change Is Hard (For Me)

dome“…be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

1 Corinthians 15:58 ESV


I love new phones, new computers, new cars — almost anything new electronic. I enjoy the challenge of learning how technology works and how it can make my life easier. Those changes I embrace with enthusiasm.

But when it comes to doctors, jobs, churches, grocery stores, driving routes, and so many other things, change is hard for me. When we moved to Plano, I drove back to Abilene (3 hours one way) once a month, for FIVE YEARS to my old hairdresser so I didn’t have to look for someone new to cut my hair.

In the mid ’90’s, my daughters shamed me into finally changing my beloved 80’s frizzy-permed hairstyle for one “a bit more modern”. Then there’s my grocery store – the one I have gone to for years because I know where everything is – even though the produce is terrible and the prices are more than Kroger down the street. I guess since we’re moving 10 miles away, change is inevitable. Ugh. And it’s no secret the kids think my decorating style is old-fashioned, desperately needing to – you guessed it – change.

Earlier this year, as Grant and I prepared to break ground on our dream home, I seriously considered making major changes to my “style” as I met with my builder’s designer. Even though I felt at home with my colors and selections, I kept hearing they were “out of style”. Facing tough choices, I thumbed through dozens of decorating magazines and explored popular house websites, wrestling with the idea of change. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the new looks…they just weren’t ME. One day I came across a page in a magazine with the following words printed in an eye-catching 2″ font: “Be True To Yourself”. I had my answer. Choose what made me feel comfortable and happy, not some magazine editor! Through the rest of our house building process, decisions were much easier to make. (Ironically, if I didn’t like a choice I’d made, all I had to do was turn in a “change” order.) Styles come in and go out all the time. If I wait long enough, the choices I made WILL be in style (again).

Some people make changes because they think only of themselves, at the expense of relationships, promises, and even their marriage covenant. Instead of working to nurture and care for those they should value, they discard them like an old sofa – just to get someone or something new. Most of the time they are looking for happiness in all the wrong places, and they never truly find it.

My kids may tease me about being in a rut, but I know they’re glad some things in my life have never changed – my love for them, for their father, and for my Heavenly Father. I pray I will always be an example of being steadfast — especially in the important things — and with the important people!


PRAYER: Heavenly Father, thank You for blessing me with a wonderful husband and precious children. Thank You for choosing me before I even knew to choose You. Help my children learn through my example and Your Word how to be steadfast in their lives and families. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Passing the Hat

Lima-Hat-Web

“Be careful…that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” 1 Corinthians 8:9 NIV


There is something about a daddy’s hat and a little boy…need I say more? It it’s Drew’s, Liam wants it. At the ripe old age of one, Liam was already copying his dad. He would even swing his arm when he walked…just like daddy did (who by the way picked that trait up from his dad). Kids are in many ways, their recycled parents. Scary thought, isn’t it!

Over thirty-five years ago, God allowed me to see how influential my actions were. I remember it like it was yesterday. My personal wake-up call came when I walked in on Gwen and Shannon toasting one another with water-filled wine glasses. Grant and I weren’t big drinkers, but even an occasional glass of wine was already being emulated by our two toddlers. That “reality snap shot” changed my life forever. How could I expect them not to drink alcohol if they saw me do it? What if they couldn’t stop after one or two drinks? What if my actions influenced them to do something that would later destroy their lives or marriages? I never took another drink of alcohol.

Today’s blog is not about drinking…it’s about influence. As parents, we will ALL be copied. When we “pass the hat” to our kids, it comes with our habits (good and bad), our traits and our character. We must take a long, hard look at ourselves and make the necessary changes, so the person we are is the kind of person we want our kids to become.


PRAYER: God, it’s not just about me anymore. My influence is shaping my children and grandchildren. There are areas of my life that need to be cleaned up and gotten rid of. I submit myself to You. You be the potter and I’ll be the clay. Mold me into the person and parent I need to be. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.