Category: Family

Get the Story Straight

“The LORD detests lying lips, but He delights in men who are truthful.” Proverbs 12:22 NIV

Two weeks before our third baby was due, Grant and I splurged and bought a new point and shoot 35mm camera. For those of you born after the 1980s, we used to have to buy film, take pictures and pay to have the film developed. We loaded our new camera with film but didn’t have time to break it in or learn how to use it because Becky surprised us by arriving two weeks early. Grant managed to shoot the entire 36-count roll in the delivery room and was anxious to get it developed. But there was a problem. He couldn’t get it to rewind, and instead of taking the camera home and reading the instructions, he opened the back of the camera and exposed the film. All of our first pictures of Becky were completely destroyed. I was beside myself with disappointment. We took more pictures the next day but it wasn’t the same.

As the years progressed, we accumulated hundreds of family photos but there was always a noticeable absence of Becky’s delivery room pictures. Grant and I knew why, but in Becky’s mind (thanks to her sisters), she had her own reason. Gwen and Shannon told Becky she was adopted and Becky believed them. She went through a plethora of serious emotions – all because they were “just kidding”. It was two or three years later before she had the courage to ask us and we set the story straight.

I see children exaggerate, lie and tease all the time, and then follow their comments with the retraction “just kidding” if confronted with the truth. Those two words have become an excuse for being mean. But “just kidding” can’t erase hurt feelings. Joking around with someone is more often than not one-sided, and for the person being picked on or ridiculed, it’s not funny at all.

A good rule to teach your children is to always tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Anything else – even the absence of truth…or “just kidding”…is a lie. Oh, and one more thing…practice what you preach. Your children are watching and listening!

Prayer

God, I don’t ever want to have fun at the expense of someone else’s feelings. Give me sensitivity and self-control to guard the words I speak so they are uplifting and never hurtful. Help me remember my children learn from the way I talk to others, and the way I talk to them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Protect the Ears

“You, LORD, will keep the needy safe and will protect us forever from the wicked.”

Psalm 12:7 NIV

Kids take some pretty hard hits growing up – other children can be cruel and hurtful with their words, leaving emotional scars that take a long time to heal.

In the early 90’s when we still lived in Abilene, woven poncho jackets were the “in” thing for boys to wear. We gave our 9-year-old son, Drew a red-and-tan striped poncho for Christmas, and he bought a blue-and-green one for himself with Christmas money. He proudly wore one or the other of the ponchos almost all the time. Right after Christmas, we moved to Plano. When classes resumed in January, Drew was faced with starting all over in a new place. On the first day of school, he wore his favorite poncho, put on a brave face and walked through the glass doors of the unknown.

Drew was cute and instantly popular with the fourth grade girls which didn’t set well with the fourth grade boys. Over the next couple of weeks, the boys jealously picked on him, ridiculing everything about him – especially his poncho jackets. He came home in tears one afternoon and threw his ponchos in the trash. In retrospect, I should have talked to the teacher but Drew was embarrassed and begged me not to.

On the outside, kids can appear resilient when they are emotionally beaten up. But many times they build defense mechanisms on the inside, compartmentalizing hurt feelings so they can cope. In some cases, they stash feelings away so deeply it becomes difficult to have a healthy relationship…even with someone who isn’t hurting them.

How nice it would be to place protective gear over our kids’ ears so hurtful words would slide off of them like water off a duck’s back! Without that option, we must make ourselves available – just like Jesus is always available when we need Him – to comfort, offer perspective and provide encouragement. What may seem small and insignificant to us can translate into devastation for our child’s self-esteem. Watch, listen and be ready with open arms to embrace your child when he needs you. A parent’s love, prayers and support are the salve that soothes the pain and prevents a forever broken spirit.

PRAYER: God, may my eyes and ears be keen to observe when my children hurt on the inside. Grant me sensitivity and wisdom to help them emerge from each circumstance without permanent emotional scars. Draw them unto You and allow them to sense protection in Your presence. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Loose Teeth Didn’t Stand a Chance

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

Most kids get excited when they start to lose their teeth because it’s a sign they’re growing up. But at our house, the kids would all agree with me that their DAD was the most excited person when one of their teeth showed signs of becoming “ready”. They usually approached me first, but I don’t do teeth.

Grant, with Frankensteinesque eagerness, employed many tactics to remove baby teeth, including tweezers, slippery fingers, locking surgical forceps, and strings wrapped around the tooth and then tied to a slamming doorknob. Forceps worked the best, but it always took several jarring attempts to get them locked onto the tooth…most unsettling to anyone (like me) with a queasy stomach! Did I mention, I don’t do teeth!?

Seldom was a tooth the winner with Dr. Grant in the house. Following each victorious extraction, after a warm gargle with salt water, the young patient would be all smiles, posing for pictures and anticipating a visit from the “pretend” tooth fairy. To this day, I still have a small glass bottle filled with dozens of tiny enamel nuggets. I’m probably the only one (except my mother) nostalgic enough to wish I’d kept them separated by child.

Baby teeth are just place-holders. They become useless and are meant to fall out so new, permanent teeth can grow and take their place. When we accept Jesus into our heart, our old sin nature is like a child’s baby tooth — it falls away and makes room for our new life in Christ to grow and blossom.

Pulling baby teeth makes a great object lesson for teaching children about letting go of old things (selfishness, lying, cheating, stealing, etc.) and allowing Jesus to create new desires, motives and attitudes that glorify Him. Remind them it’s only when the old is gone that the new can come in.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, Your world is filled with object lessons! Open my eyes to see them all around me. Help me take advantage of each teachable moment so I can bring Your truths to life for my children. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Thanks Dad For Saving My Life

“For He will command His angels…to guard you in all your ways.” Psalm 91:11 ESV

We go through life never realizing how much we impact the lives around us. When my grandchildren were little, they absolutely adored their Uncle Drew. In their minds, he hung the moon. Drew dressed cool, taught golf and played the guitar…and he let the boys borrow his hair gel to get that special sought-after spiked look. They wanted to look like him and be like him. He was their hero.

When Drew was five, we took our kids to Six Flags and rode “Judge Roy Screams”. Drew was just barely tall enough to fulfill the hight requirement to ride the roller coaster, but the passenger’s safety bar didn’t come close to securing his wiry little body in the seat. It was an accident waiting to happen. As the cars twisted, turned, climbed and fell, a petrified Drew slipped under the bar and onto the floor. Fortunately, Grant was there to pull him to safety and hold him close until the ride ended. As the ride slowly rolled back to the starting point, Drew looked into Grant’s eyes and with sincere gratitude exclaimed, “Thanks dad for saving my life!”

We can’t always be within arm’s reach when our children face danger. But we serve the God who knows no boundaries and to Whom distance means nothing. The Bible says He will command His angels to guard us…and our children. That doesn’t mean we cast all caution and wisdom to the wind. But at the same time, we do NOT have to walk in fear where our children are concerned.

Pray specifically each day for God to protect your children from harm – physically, mentally and spiritually. Release them into His care at the start of each day. God is both able and trustworthy! Remind your children as they walk out the door that you’ve asked God’s angels to go with them. Not only do you send them out with God’s peace, but you also plant a seed of faith inside them as they see YOU trusting Him!

PRAYER: God, thank You for watching over my children and commanding Your angels to guard them everywhere they go. Place a wall of protection around them and destroy any weapon the devil might try to use against them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Words Mean So Much!

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 NAS

My fifth grade teacher didn’t like me, and at the ripe old age of 10, even I knew it. To this day, I remember Mrs. Chadwick talking about me and ridiculing me in front of all the other students. I would either pretend not to hear or act like it didn’t bother me. But on the inside, not only did her words hurt, they began to rip apart my self-esteem. It didn’t occur to me I should tell my parents. After all, she was an adult authority figure in my life. Who was I to question her?

Modern society has legitimized sarcasm and labeled it comedy. Many people think its okay to put someone down, call them names, or make fun of them, especially if it’s followed up with the disclaimer, “just kidding”. But it’s not okay.

The Bible teaches us words can be a blessing or a curse. Whether spoken in sarcasm or in an uncontrolled moment of anger, words like “stupid” and “clumsy” or “what’s WRONG with you?” definitely fall into the latter category. We have the responsibility as parents to protect our children. Yet without realizing it, sometimes our words are what bring our children the greatest harm.

Think about the words you use when you speak to and about your children. Do they lift, encourage and affirm them? If not, it’s time for a vocabulary change. Sit down as a family and discuss ways to de-word and re-word your home. It’s a lesson none of us are too young (or old) to learn.

PRAYER: God, forgive me for saying things to my children I didn’t mean. Please heal their wounds and help me have the self-control and wisdom I need to guard my tongue every time I speak to them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Learn When to Let Go

Shannon on her 1st birthday, 3-16-79

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”

Isaiah 43:18 NIV

It was a Sunday morning. I was crouched on my knees leaning over the bathtub shampooing Gwen’s long blonde hair while our one-year-old Shannon crawled on the floor behind me waiting for her turn in the bubbles. I’d already plugged the curling iron in so it could get hot. I thought it was safely out of reach on the bathroom cabinet…

All of a sudden, Shannon let out a blood-curdling scream that wouldn’t stop. She was less than three feet from me, but with my back turned I didn’t see her pull on the electrical cord and grab hold of the curling iron when it fell on the carpet.

Despite her hysterical screaming, Shannon didn’t let go of the curling iron. Her tiny hand clenched the hot metallic barrel and I had to literally pry it off. Her hand was severely burned. I later learned that when children (and adults) feel sudden pain, our muscles respond by tightening up. In Shannon’s case, that response caused her to hold tightly to the very thing that was hurting her.

I credit Abilene’s West Texas Rehabilitation Center and a very special physical therapist, Mary Lou Garrett, for saving the use of Shannon’s hand. Every day for weeks, Shannon went in for a sterile hand bath followed by painful debriding of the dead skin. There was nothing easy about this process…this was Shannon’s thumb-sucking hand…and that never changed. She sucked her thumb through medicine, bandages, gloves and every other creative obstacle I could think of.

Almost everyone has painful experiences…some physical and some emotional. We can hold onto bitterness, hurt, disappointment and even anger for a lifetime. It’s a natural reaction. But if we do, the hurt will continue to fester inside of us…and it won’t go away. The sooner we learn to let go of things that hurt us, the healthier we will be!

Teach your children a simple exercise in letting go. When they get upset or hurt and are “hanging on” to an offense, have them imagine that offense sitting in their hands. Is it something they like? Do they want to keep it? Does it hurt when they think about it? Then it’s time to hand that offense to God once and for all. Instead of dwelling on something that hurts them, train them to give it to God and let HIM deal with it…so their healing can begin.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, help me teach my children to never hold on to past hurts, but to give You those painful things so Your Holy Spirit can bring healing to their minds and their hearts. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Busted

galveston-jail“For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.” Luke 8:17 NAS

As a young mother, my days were spent teaching our four children the importance of choosing right instead of wrong – and how to know the difference between the two. At times it seemed I was fighting an uphill battle because even when they clearly knew better, the kids were deliberately disobedient. To make matters worse, when I confronted them, they lied. And if there’s one thing this mamma doesn’t tolerate, it’s a lie. I can’t tell you the number of times I doubled a punishment because dishonesty was added to the “crime”.

Despite their sneakiest efforts, I always managed to find out when my children did something wrong. I didn’t have eyes in the back of my head. I just had a secret weapon – prayer. I knew if they didn’t get caught, they’d grow comfortable making wrong choices and continue to walk down a path that would eventually lead to bigger risks and more serious consequences. So I prayed – regularly –  a simple prayer in line with the truth of God’s Word in Luke 8:17. I asked Him to expose all things where my children were concerned, and to cause all things hidden to come into the light. The result? Time and time again, when they least expected it, they found themselves BUSTED!

Because it was God and not ME who found them out, the kids learned even if nobody else saw what they did. . .God saw. And no matter how carefully they spun a lie. . .God knew. Eventually, each one of them decided right is better than wrong. Always. No matter who sees or doesn’t see.

Prayer: God, thank you for being faithful to your Word and for helping me teach my children they couldn’t get away with making bad choices. Continue to work in their lives so they will walk in integrity in every circumstance. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Train Up a Child

117_1739I couldn’t wait to start school! When the big day arrived, I was up at the crack of dawn, dressed and ready to go. Armed with my “Big Chief” tablet and two sharpened pencils, I snuck out the front door – too impatient to wait for my mom and baby sister – and walked a half mile to Woodlands Elementary School all by myself. By the time my frantic mother caught up with me, I’d found my way into a First Grade classroom and was standing in line to meet the teacher.

Public school was much different in 1960 than it is today. The Ten Commandments were displayed in every classroom, Mr. Barnes (our principal) led us in “The Lord’s Prayer” each morning over the loudspeaker, we couldn’t chew gum, girls had to wear dresses, and if we misbehaved, we would get paddled (at school and later at home!)

Manners were a big deal back then. Kids said “yes ma’am” and “yes sir”, “no thank you” and “yes please”. Boys were taught to open doors for girls and always allow them to go first. It was rude to interrupt when someone was talking, arguing with adults was virtually unheard of, you never put your elbows on the table and the most important rule was the Golden Rule. Call me old-fashioned, but I still place a high value on manners. I’m proud of my kids for training their children to be polite and considerate of others.

Proverbs says even children are known by their actions. How they behave dictates what people think of them. As children grow older, the way they act can have a great impact on their future. Google “good manners” for an exhaustive list of suggestions and teaching materials to use in your family. It’s never too early to start…bad manners will be caught…good manners must be taught!

Prayer: God help me teach my children to be respectful and considerate of others…place in me the persistence to require right behavior from them no matter how much extra time it takes! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

P.S. Those of you who know me know I couldn’t write today’s entry without including my number one pet peeve. So here it is: “no problem” is NEVER the right thing to say when someone says, “thank you”! The proper response is ALWAYS “you’re welcome”. Always.

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Don’t Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

IMG_3421I am no scientist, but it sure seems like the world is spinning faster than it did when I was a child. In the good ‘ole days, a week was, well, a week. It wasn’t a blink of an eye like it is now. The lazy days of summer were actually lazy days…we had time to relax, take naps, ride our bikes, swing at the park and trap lightning bugs after dark. Organized sports weren’t yet developed for children in our little town and most of us didn’t even know what a soccer ball was. I probably would have been a klutz on the ball field, but I could outrace anybody wearing roller skates clipped on the outside of my PF Fliers!

What a difference a generation makes! When Grant and I raised our children, sports, extracurricular activities ruled our lives and filled every waking moment. Talk about the tail wagging the dog…with four kids playing multiple sports, we didn’t even have time to meet each other coming and going! Many of my memories are at best a blur…and the busyness is getting worse instead of better. When I served as a children’s pastor at my church, I saw the demands of “gotta do” and “have to be” stretching kids and families to the breaking point. It’s no wonder divorce is at an all-time high and children have to be medicated just to “cope”.

The time for guarding your family’s time is BEFORE it is over-committed with “stuff”. Good as all the many activities are, without boundaries, the good will be offset by stress, lack of rest and a loss of time together…time you can never get back! Take a hard look at your calendar and the number of hours in the day. Schedule family time like you would a soccer practice so it actually happens…be intentional as you plan how many hours you’re willing to sacrifice for carpooling, practices, rehearsals, games, etc. Once you have the answer, give your children choices but don’t let them bite off more than your family can chew!

A final note…don’t forget to put God on the schedule. Teach your children (by example) to spend time daily with God, studying His Word and praying. I can’t tell you how many of my church kids used to say they didn’t have time to read their Bible because of sports, dance practice and homework. God must be a personal priority…without Him, what a mess we make for ourselves!

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, I need Your wisdom as I plan each hour of my day. Help me put You first and seek Your will before adding extras to my life. Give me the boldness to say “no” and the courage to let go of time stealers that rule my life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Pass the Olives Please!

IMG_5985Sunday dinner at Grandma Cline’s house used to be quite a feast…pan-fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, bread and butter pickles and pitted black olives. When I could get away with it, I’d grab a handful of olives and put them on my fingertips and then savor them one at a time. That’s how I know Micah (my #5 grandchild) has some of my blood cursing through his veins.

Micah loves black olives. When we put them on a relish tray, they seldom last long enough to make it to the table. One Christmas, he ate almost a whole can before the turkey was even carved. Just for fun, I pulled a can of olives from the pantry and quickly put it in a Christmas gift bag. When he opened it, everyone burst out in laughter. Mikey’s smile said it all…he loved the gift!

Later that night when it was time to clean up the empty boxes and piles of torn gift wrap and ribbons
from the floor, unbeknownst to me, someone picked up Micah’s can of olives and put it back in the pantry. When he got home, Micah began searching his “stash” for the olives. They weren’t there.

Gwen explained somebody probably thought it was just a joke and didn’t expect him to take the olives home. He asked her, “why would someone do that to a little kid?” He was understandably disappointed. When I heard what happened, I immediately IMG_1304gave him another can of olives – which brought a smile to his face. From now on
no matter what we’re serving, I hope to always have a can of olives nearby so Micah will know just how special he is to ME!

It doesn’t take much to show a child they are special. Look for simple ways to say “I love you” with your actions…they speak much louder than words! Making kids feel special builds up their “emotional bank”…so if someone picks on them at school or makes fun of them…their little spirit doesn’t become bankrupt. Most importantly, help them know how special they are to God, and to His Son Jesus!

Prayer: Heavenly Father, help me find ways to make each of my children and grandchildren feel special – just at the time they need it. Most of all…help each one of us remember how special we are to You! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

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